Ella had taken to crying a lot last week and even threw a huge temper tantrum, complete with thrashing on the floor and screaming, when I left for work one day. She sobbed and cried continuously over the weekend leaving me wondering just what was going on. Now, my parenting style has been along the lines of high structure, high nurture, with a strong emphasis on the nurturing part (have to make up for L’s first three years after all!). So when your poor little girl’s eyes well up with tears and they start rolling down her chubby little cheeks while she’s clinging to you whimpering for no apparent reason, you sooth the poor little tyke and try to figure out what’s wrong. Has taking her back to the orphanage twice this month been too much for her emotionally? Is she grieving? What is wrong??
I had two conflicting theories floating around in my head. Do I neglect Ella or spoil her? You can constantly be around your children and still neglect them emotionally. I’ve seen it many times before and I’m always afraid I will fall prey to it, as I do a lot of reading in the afternoons after work and on the weekends. Or, on the other hand, do I spoil her too much, give her too much one on one attention, and she’s throwing a fit when she can’t have it on demand like she wants it?
As the loooong weekend wore on, I began to note a pattern in the little tykes fits of crying, clinging and sadness. Oddly enough, these seemed to hit when she was told to either not do something that she wanted, or to do something that she didn’t want. Hmmm now, what could it be? Yes I am a moron and yes this was going on right under my nose and yes it did take me at least five days to figure it out by I haven’t been a mom very long either!! The child is SPOILED!! She’s such a well behaved, cute child though your average person would never suspect. But wow, have I really, really spoiled this child!
My confirmation came Sunday afternoon when a friend stopped by with her six year old. As the six year old was putting on her shoes to come outside, Ella lunged and was savagely trying to wrestle the poor kids shoe off her foot! Ella loves shoes and whenever any kid comes over it seems there is a big shoe swap. Luckily this six year old has six younger siblings and just kept walking, totally ignoring the spoiled little hooligan pouncing on her feet. This resulted in Ella casting herself upon the floor in a crying, screaming heap, thus confirming my suspicions that the child was spoiled and a serious crack down needed to ensue.
So yep, little L is really starting to challenge my non existent parenting skills. She so is NOT a strong willed child but she sure is a sassy one. The girl is mouthy! I am so taken back by some of the things she says that I often have a hard time reacting seriously. She’s funny! And sadly, she knows it…
Another thing that I have learned is that plunking your child in front of the tube whenever she or he is in a pouty or whimpering mood is not a good long term solution. It works great temporarily, but…
Who, me? Spoiled? How could you not?
2 comments:
Way to go mom! Great insight and wisdom. Sometimes I scratch my head too, pray, and wallaa--it all becomes clear. It made me laugh, you are right, Ella's behavior did not phase Eryn one bit :-)
Oh that ending is classic! The threes are fun...but they are also complicated when trying attach in parenting an adopted child. It sounds like you're doing a fabulous job by continually assessing and adjusting as needed.
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