Politically Correct? I try!

I have been mulling over our situation. You can tell that Mom’s gone because now there is no other adult in the house to talk to and I do a lot of thinking.

I did quite a lot of reading up on transracial adoptions before Ella came home, both from books and from the Internet ( I’m ashamed to admit it now but I was trying to “educate myself out of adoption”). It seems that a lot of American Caucasians have a certain amount of “guilt” over adopting children from other races and countries – especially black kids. Many people think that one race adopting from another race is “second best” for the poor child. Books suggest all sorts of things that you need to do to keep your child “connected” with his or her birth culture. Regardless of whether your child actually remembers living there or not, and will more than likely never return to live there. A lot of the American Caucasian parents that I read things about really beat themselves up over this. It almost seems like, in some cases, that they are using this to cover up their, I believe, unfounded guilt over having the resources to adopt a child from another country and race. In an ideal world, race shouldn’t matter. But it does.

The sad truth is that adoption is the “second best” for any child. Ella’s situation never should have happened! She should never have needed to be adopted in the first place but rather should be living with her biological mother in a healthy, happy family. Sadly, sin entered the world, along with poverty, sickness and orphaned and abandoned children.

So, according to all that I’ve read regarding this subject, Ella is living in an ideal setting. While having the misfortune of being adopted by a white, American mother, the tot has the advantage of continuing to live in her birth country surrounded by her birth culture. She goes to church and Sunday School with other children who are the same color as her, is cared for during the day by a genuine Ugandan, has Ugandan neighbors, plays with other black Ugandan children, her mother has Ugandan friends, etc. According to what I’ve read, this is supposed to be much better for her self-esteem and self-awareness then it would be if she were living in Montana surrounded by a bunch of other white American kids.

But is it? I have to wonder. Granted she is still very young but I can’t see the fact that everyone but her mother being the same color as her has made any affect on her, for better or for worse. She will always be different than other kids – whether or not she’s raised here or in Montana. As she grows up she will see that while she looks just like everyone else, she’s the only kid with a freaky white mother and even though other kids are black like her, she’ll probably be able to relate better with other American kids, even if they are white (or Asian, Hispanic, etc). I think that culture plays a stronger role than color. Just because you’re the same color as someone doesn’t mean that you can instantly and totally relate to them because you look alike! And, politically correct or not, this child is being raised as an American because I am her mother, her extended family are all American and I will always be. So why on earth shouldn’t my daughter be too? And plus, do I really want to teach her that it’s so important to be like everyone else? No. Not really.

Now I did make an attempt to address the issue of Ella’s blackness because I am an American after all and we Americans believe in political correctness. I bought her a book, “Colors come from God… Just like me!” It’s a nice book that kind of has a rhyming rhythm to it and almost every sentence is ended by, “And God made me a beautiful brown!” L had several books out one day and wanted me to read her one. She said, “Brownie? The one about Brownie?” leaving me totally confused, then found this book. Mom and I about died – so much for teaching Ella to be politically correct and appreciate her beautiful brown skin! A Ugandan friend just about died when she heard – then we started making up names for everyone. Freckles, Shorty, Fluffy, Whitie, Blackie, etc. Because of her age, I really don’t think that Ella consciously recognizes people as either black or white yet. I don’t refer to people as “that white guy” or “that black lady” just because I don’t want Ella to differentiate people based solely on their race. Ugandans do this ALL THE TIME and it bugs me.

I am sitting here listening to a well known African children’s choir from Uganda. They tour all sorts of countries and the children sing and raise money for their many institutions here in Uganda. Sadly, this organization does NOT promote the adoption of these kids (same as most of the big institutions here in Ug). To the point where even if a mother takes a baby to their babies home it is FOR GOOD and at no point can she ever take it back and raise it herself. This is the institution that most of the kids from Sanyu go to when they reach 2 or 2.5. Ella was destined for this institution before I reared my ugly head.
This organization (a big, Christian one) tells it’s audiences and supporters that these children are better off remaining in their own country in which, with good education, they will grow up and become doctors, lawyers, etc, and leaders of the country. Sounds great! Who doesn’t want less poverty in Uganda? And it’s easy! All it involves is sending money and sponsoring one of these children, and all us North Americans know that money can solve anything. Sadly, the reality is that even if some of these kids do make it to become doctors or lawyers there probably isn’t going to be a job for them here in Uganda. And, at the end of the day, they are still without parents or a family. I do NOT know why some people think that it is better for children to stay in big institutions in their birth countries (which are third world) then being adopted by people from other cultures and races. Let alone adopted by people from their own birth countries! This is a very common and pervasive thought however, even among Christians. Orphanages here in Uganda make BIG money from outside donors. But yes, it would be easier for you to just send a check rather than give a child a home…

I’ve seen and experienced too much and my parents taught me to be a critical thinker.