“When I die…”

This was a conversation that went on at my house, while the kids were rubbing my feet earning a movie (yes, I unabashedly perpetrate child labor).

Ella: [while rubbing my foot and thoughtfully looking at my rather chunky calf] “If you died Mom, I think I’d eat you.”

Me: [nervously]“Oh.”

Frank: “I wouldn’t eat you. I’d take you to the hospital and tell them to bury you!” [Dear boy]

Ella: “How would you know what number to call? You don’t have their phone number.”

Frank: [not to be deterred and eyes beginning to sparkle] “I’d put her in the car and drive her to the hospital!”

Ella: “Oh! I could help you drive! We’d get there and I’d say, ‘We have a dead people in the car.’”

So yes, if you see my tots driving about in my car, don’t forget to look in the trunk. You just might find a dead people there. These kids are planning ahead, which I’m glad to see. Although I must admit, I am watching my back around Ella, especially since she’s always hungry and I’m, well, um… you know. Not skinny!

The kids were getting a bit worried about me dying (“Who’d feed us?”) and what would happen to them in that event. I told them that I wouldn’t die until they were both grown and could cook for themselves and I was a really old lady. That assured them somewhat but yeah, they continued making plans on what they’ll do after my death. And as far as I can tell it’s NOT grieving….

Ella: “I’m going to go to Canada for a visit and see Spronk when you die! And I’m going to buy Spronk a hedgehog.”

Frank: “I’d buy Spronk a hedgehog too.”

Ella: “That’s good, then Spronk would have two hedgehogs. She’d love them. Then I’d buy another hedgehog, kill it and bury it, so that it would go to heaven and Mom would have a hedgehog with her in heaven too!”

Nice to know that my children are thinking of the afterlife… I guess. Cannibalism and animal sacrifice!